Self-Compassion (Prologue)

I’ve been working on a post about Self-Compassion for a while, but for now here’s a prologue to that work-in-progress. “Prologue” = “the story before the story”—providing background for what follows. The story of my Self-Compassion post began with my recent Self-Forgiveness post and then had some twists and turns …

You know me, I often start with a word’s definition. The word “compassion” comes from the Latin “compati” and literally means “to suffer with.” But in contemporary usage, the definition according to Merriam-Webster is: (emphasis is mine)

implies pity coupled with an urgent desire to aid or to spare

And another definition from Compassion International is even more proactive:

recognizing the suffering of others and then taking action to help

Hmmm, I always thought of compassion as just being an emotion; I never thought of there being an action connected to the emotion. And yet, if we see that someone we care about is suffering, it’s often reflexive to not only perceive their pain but also to reach out and touch their arm or give them a hug.

So then I found myself posing some questions:

• What’s the difference between pity, sympathy, and compassion?
• Do Self-Forgiveness and Self-Compassion go hand in hand?
• Is there any difference between Compassion and Self-Compassion?
• What actions could be taken with respect to Self-Compassion to alleviate the suffering?

Then I discovered there’s a pioneer researcher and acknowledged expert on Self-Compassion: Kristin Neff, Ph.D. A couple days later I discovered she was presenting a live online intro workshop that week. I signed up and tuned in to an info-packed three hours that included mention of IFS (internal family systems)—a therapy modality (pioneered by Richard Schwartz, Ph.D.) that explores the parts of ourselves and how they interact (like the Inner Critic Self and the Compassionate Self). I found and purchased books on both topics, and even found online self-tests for both.¹

I also observed that unlike the first series of posts here that were more other-directed (forgiving, trusting, and having compassion for others), now I seem to be guided to write about directing those acts to Self, to ourselves. Thus, Self-Forgiveness and now Self-Compassion.

This is probably because I’m in the process of trying to do self-care to recuperate from the stress (and all that damn cortisol!) of the past year surrounding Steve’s physical decline and death. I’m trying to do the cortisol-counteracting actions listed in my previous post—and observing that I’m beating myself up a bit for not doing them—i.e., self-care—“better.”

Yeah, I know. Beating myself up for not doing better self-care is counterproductive. But it is what it is. Thus a need for compassion for myself. And apparently God/Source/The Universe is helping me by bringing into my Path the experts, timely online workshops, new concepts, books, and even online tests that will further my Path. No accidents.

So Self-Care, Self-Forgiveness, Self-Compassion. I’m still working on the “real” Self-Compassion post but who knows what other “Self–“ posts there may be down the line. Maybe Self-Kindness? And Self-Trust (like trusting your own inner-knowing)?

We’ll see how this evolves. Stay tuned.

And maybe in the meantime you can observe how kind, compassionate, and forgiving you are to yourself. Or not.

---

Footnote:

¹ Online tests: Self-Compassion Test, The IFS Scale